yes.

kill me right now.

i feel so guilty.

i should have went there.

i'm so stupid.

i wanna die!

..&& still nothing has happened.

it's not like i'm expecting you to make a move..

it's just that,

some questions haven't been answered yet.

i want to confront you badly.

how or why things have ended up like this..

is she much more important than us?

i want to ask you so bad but i'm afraid,

afraid that you might get mad at me.

can't you just live without her?

what can we do to make you not ask for more?

aren't we enough for you to be happy?

there are times that i think of what will happen..

what will happen if you realize that

we were all you needed..

it was not her that makes you complete..
but us.

will we give you a fourth chance?
you already wasted three..
should we give you another?

i'm scared of being hurt again,

scared of feeling pain again.

see, as i just think about it,

it hurts me like hell already..
what more if it were reality?

i don't want us to make the same mistake again..

giving you a chance..

cause maybe,

just maybe..

the pain will be back again.

i need clarity.
i need peace.
i need truth.

of all the questions i want to ask you,

at least answer this one,

though you may not read this,

i just want to know..

do you still need a family?

 

 

 

 

 

 

i'm so lazy in making blogs..

hayyy..

is there any cure for it?

:D

BLOG!!
its been soooo long.

:D

anyway,

i missed you.

typing on you.

rereading and changing some words to make you more readable.

:D

i have so much to tell.

but sadly,

i can't type it all.

i won't write about my summer.

it will be in another blog.

:|

it's about..

 

LEMONY SNICKET.

 

oh yes,

about him.

omg,

when i saw sarina's complete set of books made by him,

i thought,

wow.

much longer than harry potter.

i have watched the movie, a series of unfortunate events

but i never even tried to read the novel.

what got me more intrigued with his novels is one particular book,

the beatrice letters

it was reallly..

hmmmmmm..

how should i say this..

it was unexplainable.. =))

when i read what was in it,

i liked one of the letters he wrote for beatrice baudelaire[ the baudelaire children's mother ]

i didn't know that lemony was beatrice's ex-beau..

not until sarina told me.

[since she read all the books]

the letter contained reasons of why lemony loves beatrice..

i wanted to cry..

for it consumed three-four pages.

to tell you the truth,

i haven't really read the book.

only that letter.

i thought lemony was soooooo romantic.

i think i'm falling for him.

=))

i'm falling for a fictional writer!

why a fictional writer?

it for you to know and find out!

=)

 

[credits to sarina for introducing lemony into my life! =)]

ps. i'll try to update my blog.

starting from now.

=)

well..

i feel half-happy, half-sad...

half-happy cause..

 

dad replied to my e-mail.

yep. he did.

and i think he forgave me.

i hope everything would be back to normal.

 

half-sad cause..

 

i still miss my friends..

damn, i really want to see them.

some of them made my life colorful.

bottomline, i miss them.

 

still, pain overpowered my joy.

 

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm..

 

didn't attend summer classes..

i had a headache.

good thing though,

sir alidz cancelled the journalism classes cause of the bad weather.

 

sometimes,

i wished that there was only regular classes..

so that i wouldn't feel this way..

summer reeks for me!!

...

idk.

i want to laugh as hard as i did before.

i want to smile as big as this smiley, .

crap.

i'm so crappy.

i keep on listening to these songs..

that just remind me of pain.

i'm sooo grrrrrr!!

i'm really a complete psycho!

haha:p

well, that's all for now.

i'm..

half-empty, half-full.

 

 

hmmmmmmmm..

damn,

i feel summer!!

yeah, i do!!

the heat..

the sun..

aaaarghh!!

well,

something new for this summer..

i'm taking summer classes!!

yeah, so that next year,

math would be easier..

and i would be able to make it in newsette!!

uurgh!

i miss writing for the school paper..

[even though i just wrote one article!! =))]

aside from the classes,

i surf the net!

non-stop!!

yeah, yeah, i'm addicted!!

well, that's the only thing that keeps my mind away from what i'm really feeling..

 

PAIN.

 

i e-mailed my father.

well, i hope the sorry's ok.

i just didn't expect that it would have a HUGE impact on him.

he'll always be my one and only father.

no one can ever replace him, no one.

...

i miss my friends too.

so many of them left..

:(

i feel so regretful, focusing myself on my studies too much.

and,

making a small thing, a big thing..

:(

i remember the time BH was breaking up..

if only we used that particular time bonding,

instead of fighting..

:((

i saw kj..

i think it was last friday..

she was holding a transcript in her hands..

a paper..

confirming her transfer..

:((

i feel so blue.

i wanted to cry.

i was gonna miss her.

i know.

she was my best friend.

:(

oh crap.

i'm starting to cry again.

i'll miss her so much.

i remember the times we would talk to each other..

seriously!

laugh out loud of something that happened yesterday!!

[that's true!]

:(

she was the first person who knew about addie.

and she never told anyone, not even my cousin.

i remember the times she would hug me tightly..

and when i ask "why?"

she'll just say..

"wala. gusto ko lang i-hug ka."

and the times she would tease me to addie..

crap.

i'll miss those memories.

i'll miss her.. so, so much.

if only i could turn back time,

and let her feel how much she means to me.

:((

but i just can't.

...

i miss jean..

though we often fight..

i'll miss her spunkyness!!

:(

all i can do is reminisce..

if we only had the open forum earlier..

we could have been better friends..

we could have spent more time together..

:(

...

i miss many of my friends..

not only in A but all of them..

even in manila and bacolod.

though i see them physically,

or chat with them..

i miss their presence..

i miss having serious talks with them..

:(

i miss sharing thoughts with them..

goofing around with them..

spending time with them..

...

that's what i'm feeling..

what i'm really feeling..

 

PAIN behind LAUGHTERS.

TEARS behind SMILES.

 

thank God for the internet!!

for without it,

all i would be doing is crying..

crying..

wishing..

hoping..

reminiscing..

wondering..

thinking..

of all the what could have beens..

:(

but..

all i have to do is..

move on..

look at the brighter side of things..

that's why i hide my pain.

i try to be happy.

...

 

hay, hay..

 

 

 

^^sudden state of depression^^

crap.

that's what i feel.

family probs overload me.

and missing my friends..

damn it.

 

i need someone.

i need my friends.

help me.

help me survive this.

 

i wanna die.

cause i feel no one loves me.

i dunno.

 

btw,

thanks to dear

SHAN,

AQ,

MILKIE,

&&

AIDZ.

for sticking with me.

through my bad times.

i love you all so much.

thanks for cheering me up.

i really appreciate it.

 

i need someone.

i need my friends.

help me.

help me survive this.

 

i'm missing my friends..

yeah, some of them aren't making "paramdam".

you know who you guys are.

i miss you ALL!

ok?

txt me,

im me.

i want to see you.

i want to hear you.

it's another thing that makes me depressed more.

i miss you guys.

so, so, so much.

 

i need someone.

i need my friends.

help me.

help me survive this.

 

aidz, i'm gonna miss you.

thanks for everything.

without you,

i dunno if i would have stopped crying..

 

AQ,

thanks for listening.

i hope we stay open to each other.

ily.

 

milkie,

you are my closest closie.

you understand me.

that's why ily.

 

shan,

i couldn't ask for more.

 

^^

i love you all!!

 

i need someone.

i need my friends.

help me.

help me survive this.

this is for closie dey..

though we always argue,

i hope that our friendship will still last.

i love you so much.

this is for you..

 

..if you go.

 

why do you have to leave

when everything here is already weaved?

the pain i feel is oh so true,

you made me feel oh so blue..

 

i hate it when someone dear,

leaves me alone to face my fears.

you gave me strength to carry on,

you made my smile go on and on..

 

i love you so much, dear.

maybe all i have to do is accept, my peer,

that you have to go

and leave me..

 

thank you so much, my friend,

my love, my special sister.

i don't want this to end,

but i hope we'll see each other again.

hey blog!!

long time, no update?

haha:p

been supah busy lately..

anyway, plenty of things happened.

can't even enumerate all.

haha:p

well, i'll just share the good stuff.

anyway, ever since i last typed in,

i've been busy as ever.

more hectic than before.

just finished the NAT and DPT.. [pheew.]

deliberations for the co-curricular activities are coming up..

[2.95, damn it!!]

supah busy.

well, now..

aside from being busy,

i feel deep sadness.

almost all [actually 4 out of 5] of the dj's will leave school.

therefore, i'm here.

all alone.

:(

its sad.

aside from them, bezi kj is leaving. for good.

because i was sooooooo hectic, i bailed to bond with her.

and soon, she's leaving.

:((

how many more school days..

well, i don't wanna count.

the scar in my heart gets bigger and bigger by the minute.

oh crap.

i dunno.

btw, me and some of my classmates are joing the regional jazz chant contest.

[who the hell cares? haha:p]

bezi nigel and i have benn supah close as ever.

closie reyber is also close to me.

a lot of people are actually looking forward to seeing me thinner.

haha:p

dj dey and i are kinda arguing.

:((

oh crap.

well,

i'm super sad.

many people are leaving...

ii-sc-a will not be the same..

:((

all i can do..

is..

cherish every moment.

:((

this week is FULL of drama.

haha:p

first,

was the open forum.

next,

my lonely V'Day.

next was yesterday.

well, it all started when the ASTIG party didn't come to our room for campaigning last V'day.

and yesterday, they finally came.

the party did their routine and at last, they asked if we had any questions.

jaivee went first and asked the pres, who was ate marielle angeles.

then he asked kuya jaypee ursal, this personal questions which made the class very, very shy.

until jaivee finally said..

"plastic ka!"

and then, khatrine asked damned questions as well.

i couldn't stand the questions because some of them were personal and truly non-sense.

jazz even asked a simple question that some of the tension will begone.

but khatrine, still went on.

until, some of the party members became frank with her actions.

[finally, someone did.]

that madxe her cry.

then, kuya jaypee asked jaivee why he thought he was plastic.

then, jaivee would just answer,

"alam mo na yun"

then, it came to a point where they would be shouting and GOD was included to the conversation.

then, finally, jean and i said our side.

we said we were sorry cause we did not expect this to happen.

i said i thank you becuase they stayed and tolerated the tension.

i'm glad i did.

it really made things calmer.

then, i cried.

and i don't know why.

[omg. i'm being OA again.]

anyway, khatrine and johann asked questions again and things ended.

the party memebers came up to me and jean and said thank you.

they also shook our hands.

haha:p

extreme DRAMA.

if you were there to witness it, you would feel the damned tension.

next was last night,

had extreme FUN.

we made 2 attempts in going to ESF building.

haha:p

pictures galore.

[my classmates were vain too.]

haha:p

thing is, addie was there.

wearing the same color of shirt i wore.

we did not speak to each other.

idk if he was looking at me.

anyhow, as i said.

FULL OF EMOTIONS THIS WEEK.

i'm glad those things happen.

i learned plenty of lessons.

finally, i'm happy again.

though, i miss my best friend.

he has fever and asthma that made me a little down.

still, i wouldn't say i was happy as i was weeks ago.

i miss him so much.

there was no one who boggled me up and more.

i miss you.

hope i would see you on monday.

get well soon.

well, i'll leave you guys an original quote by me.

it was inspired by the ASTIG vs. II-A debate.

"comparison will get you no where."

cAmy<3

 

hmmmmm.

well, how can i describe my valentine's day?

well, i've got a word for you..

CONFUSING.

let's start from yesterday. 02-13-08.

something unexpected happened.

BH and i were ok again.

yes,

we are.

i was suuuuuuuuper happppppppy..

haha:p

well, i miss those retards.

haha:p

when it was values time,

i was not in the mood of answering activities so i just lay down..

in my seat,

haha:p

then, shan excused me from class to give me..

a

letter

from..

..

..

..

ADDIE.

yeah...

it was from him.

it said,

from : A.

wag ka na sana magalit sakin kung nasaktan man kita. sana maging magkaibigan tayo ulit at pansinin mo ko ulit. happy valentines!!

to: J.

weird right?

haha:p

well, i admitt.

i had the kilig factor,

haha:p

well, my feelings for him kinda re-ignited.

but not really as hard as before,

well, still not officially.

cause i'm not sure.

whether this was happening or not.

what made me really nervous was the sign i made.

the first one to greet me happy valentine's would be my valentine.

and it was him.

bleak. extreme bleak.

then, next was the, OPEN FORUM.

it was good we did this so that we would really know our feelings toward each other.

*chat with me so you'll understand why..*

haha:p

well, all i can say is,

JEAN and I are finally OK.

yeah.

we are.

now,

v'day.

i replied to addie's letter.

and he didn't reply.

damn. he's playing with me.

alfred, jean's bhez, gave a wallet.

jean gave me a chocolate.

haha:p

nothing extraordinary today.

well, maybe the only thing unusual that i did is that,

i asked my classmates one-by-one why they were kinda annoyed by me..

i hope all their answers were honestly given.

i'm really gonna pursue my plan to lose weight.

so that i would introduce a new JEANNE to them all.

just cant wait for 3rd year.

haha:p

cant rush time.

i might regret it.

haha:p

that's all for now.

gonna play rondalla tomorrow.

and will attend to mr. and miss lemnahis coronation,

again tomorrow night.

haha:p

'til next time.

cAmy<3

ps.

i haven't seen nigel for two days.

and i'm worried.

really worried.

i miss him already.

hope he comes back tomorrow.

wherever he is.

haha:p

i just thought,

some people might be reading my blogs actually don't know me.

so, i want you guys to really get to know me.

well, for starters..

i'm cAmy.

i am 14 years old.

located in calapan, oriental mindoro.

[i used to live in manila, i transfered there about a year ago.]

i have a mother and a father.

[like duh!!]

i live with my mom and my father is in manila.

i have a sibling.

her name is cOlleen.

she lives with me and my mom.

anyway, i study at Leido High,

a very prominent school in oriental mindoro.

i was a i-sc-e student then.

i used to have a barkada, which is brainy high [bh].

[if you read my previous blogs,

you would know that it already broke.]

then, i got transfered to sc-a in my second year of high school.

i would say,

i'm not the genius of our class, nor the dumbest.

i'm average.

my current section is also known as the lady of charity rondalla.

meaning, i am a rondalla player.

banduria is my instrument to be exact.

i was a part of lemnahis media arts but i quit.

[im a dumbass.]

my favorites are as follows:

color--black,pink,white,blue

subject--algebra,statistics,english

teacher--my current math teachers, mam maili

food--anything as long as it is still eatable.

drinks--anything. maybe h2o.

tv channel--hbo,star movies,etc,axn,c/s,disney,

star world,myx, mtv

tv shows--CSI,CSI:NY,CSI:MIAMI,gossip girl,amazing race,

suite life of z &&c,30 rock,the OC,friends,the simpsons

movies--hp series,potc1,2&&3,national treasure 1&&2 and many more.

[i adore movies. i especially love adventure, romantic comedies and musicals. i also like movies with deep drama and love involved.]

actor--zac efron, johnny depp,orlando bloom,chace crawford,dan radcliffe,weasley twins, chris pine,tom cruise

actress--ashley tisdale.

[only her cause she is the only actress who really caught my eye.]

music-- ALOT.

bands--m5,fob,mcr,tc5,rja

singers--enrique iglesias,justin timberlake,fergie,avril lavigne

interests?

hmmmmmmm.

zac efron.

haha:p

politics.

life.

love.

friendship.

music.

everything.

haha:p

ambition or dreams?

well, ambition and dreams, for me, are way too different.

[i know, i know, for you, its just the same.

i'm a completely insane person, you see. haha:p]

ambition: to be a senator.

yeah. i want to serve the people.

i want to correct the mistakes of the current government.

i want to be the voice of the people.

[am i against the current government?

yes. i am.]

dream: to be an astronaut.

haha:p.

i want to see the solar system and how big the sun is.

haha:p

[will update this tomorrow..

i'm tired. haha:p]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

haha.:P

whoa.

i could actually laugh again.

well, thanks to:

-nigel

-alqueen

-jemimay

-milca

-kuya r.

and more.

haha:p

well, they cheered me up.

idk.

i think im going insane.

haha:p

anyway, what a week has it been.

thanks to khatrine a., i sat beside my two closies, milca and jem [or jemimay]

haha:p

and in front of me was my two othe closies, aq and nigel.

haha:P

class was good.

had some tests and got pretty high grades.

haha:p

still sad though.

but its a teensy, weensy wee bit only.

bh is still not ok.

and dj's is breaking up too.

[only devonney will begone, so, j to the 7th power na lang.]

haha:p

full of mixed-emotions this week.

but good thing though,

my closies were there to cheer me up.

and mc cube or mocha!! [hamster]

haha:p

i confronted milca.

and it was confirmed.

she was kinda mad at me.

but it was cleared up.

we became closer to each other.

anyway, that's all i can say.

rsat is next week.

damn.

and im leaving for manila soon.

and our barkada will have a open forum on the 13th.

and valentine's day is on the 14th.

next week will definetely be a week to remember,

haha:p

 

 

 

this is another feature article for our group's mock paper.

read it and weep.

911

 

 

“You are the wind beneath my wings”

 

Who do you think is the wind beneath your wings? Who gives you the strength to carry on especially when times are hard? Who helps you face the challenges and obstacles life has to offer?

 

Ever since I was born, my mom stuck up with me through all the struggles I encountered.