smile.Ü

hmmmmmmmm..

damn,

i feel summer!!

yeah, i do!!

the heat..

the sun..

aaaarghh!!

well,

something new for this summer..

i'm taking summer classes!!

yeah, so that next year,

math would be easier..

and i would be able to make it in newsette!!

uurgh!

i miss writing for the school paper..

[even though i just wrote one article!! =))]

aside from the classes,

i surf the net!

non-stop!!

yeah, yeah, i'm addicted!!

well, that's the only thing that keeps my mind away from what i'm really feeling..

PAIN.

i e-mailed my father.

well, i hope the sorry's ok.

i just didn't expect that it would have a HUGE impact on him.

he'll always be my one and only father.

no one can ever replace him, no one.

...

i miss my friends too.

so many of them left..

:(

i feel so regretful, focusing myself on my studies too much.

and,

making a small thing, a big thing..

:(

i remember the time BH was breaking up..

if only we used that particular time bonding,

instead of fighting..

:((

i saw kj..

i think it was last friday..

she was holding a transcript in her hands..

a paper..

confirming her transfer..

:((

i feel so blue.

i wanted to cry.

i was gonna miss her.

i know.

she was my best friend.

:(

oh crap.

i'm starting to cry again.

i'll miss her so much.

i remember the times we would talk to each other..

seriously!

laugh out loud of something that happened yesterday!!

[that's true!]

:(

she was the first person who knew about addie.

and she never told anyone, not even my cousin.

i remember the times she would hug me tightly..

and when i ask "why?"

she'll just say..

"wala. gusto ko lang i-hug ka."

and the times she would tease me to addie..

crap.

i'll miss those memories.

i'll miss her.. so, so much.

if only i could turn back time,

and let her feel how much she means to me.

:((

but i just can't.

...

i miss jean..

though we often fight..

i'll miss her spunkyness!!

:(

all i can do is reminisce..

if we only had the open forum earlier..

we could have been better friends..

we could have spent more time together..

:(

...

i miss many of my friends..

not only in A but all of them..

even in manila and bacolod.

though i see them physically,

or chat with them..

i miss their presence..

i miss having serious talks with them..

:(

i miss sharing thoughts with them..

goofing around with them..

spending time with them..

...

that's what i'm feeling..

what i'm really feeling..

PAIN behind LAUGHTERS.

TEARS behind SMILES.

thank God for the internet!!

for without it,

all i would be doing is crying..

crying..

wishing..

hoping..

reminiscing..

wondering..

thinking..

of all the what could have beens..

:(

but..

all i have to do is..

move on..

look at the brighter side of things..

that's why i hide my pain.

i try to be happy.

...

hay, hay..