..this week was great.
yeah, i only THOUGHT it was.
aside from the fact that bh is breaking up,
i was glad.
not exactly ecstatic but glad.
remember when jean and i were "ok" again,
that was only a thought too.
why you ask?
well, this is how it goes..
today--02-02-08.
it was our first and last practice before the dance on monday.
and everything went well.
16 of us..
[including:
-me
-jazz
-katreen
-jean
-kristel
-hazel
-glecy
-dyan
-jennie
-jenkin
-shella
-camille
-clarise
-joshua
-khatrine
-jojean.]
..rested for about 10 minutes..
repolished the steps and went home.
jean and i were left at the backyard.. [practice--my place]
then, she was kinda irritated with some members of our group..
and i think a lot was bothering her.
especially the fact that she's gonna move.
then, we were talking about books and i said something about bob ong..[famous author]
then, she asked "may book ka ni bob ong?"
i replied, "oo. pinahiram ni kuya robi."
after i showed it to her,
she acted weird.
she opened that milca said she had a little angst against one of us..
[our new barkada--dj's, which include:
-me
-devonney
-janeth
-milca
-jean
-johann
-jaivee
-joevelle
-nigel]
and that she wanted an open forum.
and i feel that it was i.
i was confused.
whether it was i or another member.
deep in my gut, i know that there maybe a possibility since milca is really mysterious about those circumstances.
then, she too opened.
she said, "nakakainis ako."
i asked, "bakit? may kinaiinisan ka ba?"
"oo. ikaw. naiinis ako sa sarili ko dahil naiinis ako sayo".
"bakit ka naman naiinis?"
"sa march ko na lang sasabihin."
that was the damned conversation that struck me today.
i hated it.
it damned sucked.
i didn't know what to say afterwards.
i just felt that i tried my best to change my ways for our friendship but still,
my best wasn't enough.
it was pain.
deep, damned, pain.
i hated it.
i didn't know what to do.
i just acted normal again.
still, i knew i was fooling myself.
cause i know, within me, i wanted to cry.
well, now, i can.
=((
but still, why waste my tears?
heck, why waste my time on pushing myself to be her friend if she doesn't like me at all?
why?
i don't know.
i have to figure that out.
i thought my life right now was perfect.
until this came.
and the bh break up.
oh damn.
why can't i be happy for at least one week?
life is so unfair.
*want to know more info about my damned, crappy life today?
chat with me and see how crap changed me.
